i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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