dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
