Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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