Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I enjoy the company of your penis
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