She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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