That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
