Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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