Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Randomize