What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
