i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
