PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
