the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
