Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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