Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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