he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
