Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
