And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize