I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
