Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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