You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
