every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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