my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
