ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
