Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
