I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
