i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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