I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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