You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
you inspire me to be a worse person
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
