Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
