I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
