At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
