OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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