Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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