Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
