when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize