She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
