Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
