i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Omg I joined a choir last night...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize