i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I have aggressive nipples.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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