oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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