Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
