I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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