'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
