Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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