Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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