I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
