i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
No subtext here. People are naked.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
