TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
