Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
