I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
