I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
