i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize