I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
