Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
