just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize