i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
