Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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