Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
