Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
How external is "for external use only"?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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