i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize