i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize