you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Randomize
