Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Vodka?
Forever.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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