If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
