But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
