Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
me + whiskey = a bad person
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
